Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
