why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
