Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
