im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
