We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
