we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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