she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
