you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
