there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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