:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
