smell my finger.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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