I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
