im holly from the hills drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
