You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
