all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
