my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
