YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
