The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
