Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
