Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
