Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
