Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
