do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
