Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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