Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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