She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
whose ass print is on the piano?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
