im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just pee around me
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
