K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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