his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
