There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
