How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
