isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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