I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
