pedialite and red bull = repair kit
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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