We're like a lot better than the average bears
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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