You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
