3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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