My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
