arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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