did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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