I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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