Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
