I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
