Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
