I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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