Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
