Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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