just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
