Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
