Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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