On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
